49. It felt like grabbing hold of the tail of youth.

"Am I hounding you?"

Ayaka Suzumiya was so angry she almost laughed.

She felt completely baffled.

Their date had been going perfectly well, so why on earth was this guy suddenly coming out with such bizarre remarks?

"Aren't you hounding me?" Tsukasa Harano's hair was disheveled by the night breeze blowing in from outside.

"When I confessed to you in the office and got rejected, I had already decided to give up. But for reasons unknown to me, Suzumiya-san, you were neither willing to approve my resignation request nor did you lose your temper at me when we accidentally ran into each other, expressing the same dissatisfaction toward Director Hoshino."

"I could interpret this as retaliation. After all, my actions back then were quite intrusive, and of course, I can sincerely apologize to you. But I don't think of you as a trouble; rather, I feel it's unnecessary for you to waste your time on me. After all, I once loved you, and even when a love is rejected, one should still hope that person leads a good life. That is what I ought to do."

"If you accept the apology, I can offer it right now. If you don't, I can accept your retaliation as well. I have no objections to whatever way you choose to deal with me. But I hope you won't vent your anger on Hoshino-san and others, including Shigeeda-kun, whom we met today. After all, from beginning to end, this is a private matter between the two of us, and it has nothing to do with anyone else."

Tsukasa's sudden change of topic caught Ayaka completely off guard. She hadn't expected him to bring this up at a time like this, and judging by the serious look on his face, it left her momentarily dazed.

Yet, reading between the lines...

Why did it feel like he was drawing a clear boundary between them?

A nameless panic stirred in Ayaka's heart, though she maintained her composure on the surface, gritting her teeth as she seized upon a loophole in his words: "You really do have something going on with Hoshino!"

"We are not currently dating."

"Would I believe that?"

"Whether you believe it or not is your business, but the truth is I don't need to explain myself to you. I said all this simply to help you find a better destination. After all, I'm not the type to destroy what I can't have; I just hope you can live a better life, even if that person isn't me."

The sense of a drawn boundary grew even sharper.

Ayaka's panic intensified accordingly.

She looked at Tsukasa's usual calm expression and could sense that he was completely earnest. Yet the more serious he was, the less she understood why he was suddenly saying all this now.

Half a month ago, had she heard these remarks, she would have merely sneered, believing Tsukasa was employing some low-level psychological tactic of playing hard to get to capture her attention.

Yet now, both his demeanor and his intensely serious tone indicated that he seemed intent on bidding her a final farewell, with no intention of crossing paths ever again. Saying these things felt like the parting advice of someone who had failed in the pursuit of love.

Her heart pounded incessantly, her breathing hitched, and a faint thread of fear even began to take root.

However, her refined upbringing and pride forbade her from showing any of it. Thus, despite her inner turmoil, she merely recalled what Tsukasa had once asked her: "Can you accept me dating other women?"

"Whether I can accept it or not, don't I have to accept it in the end?" Tsukasa thought for a moment before speaking.

That logic held true...

Yet why couldn't he keep persisting?

At this thought,

she actually felt she was being a bit excessive.

After all, although she was nearly thirty and had never dated a man, it didn't mean she was clueless about the twists and turns of romance. At the very least, she knew that no matter how much someone adored their crush, their patience would eventually be worn down by repeated rejections until it was entirely exhausted.

However, she hadn't gotten around to saying yes yet...

And the circumstances were far too unsuitable.

At least based on her understanding of Tsukasa's various conditions, if they were truly to marry, complications would abound.

Though, upon closer reflection...

aside from his family background, there didn't seem to be any other trouble.

Even though there was an age gap of five or six years between them, she was still under thirty. If they were to marry this year and enjoy a two-year honeymoon, she would still have enough time to have a healthy, energetic baby before becoming an older mother.

Looked at that way, nothing would be delayed at all.

As for dating and marriage...

She had never imagined she would have to face such a prospect so soon.

Not to mention, he was now acting as though he were leaving.

Angry and anxious, Ayaka watched as his resolute expression made it clear he had made up her mind. Her face inevitably darkened, secretly resenting him for changing his mind too quickly: "It's all well and good for you to wish me happiness, but things like that are easy to say. Finding someone I actually like, however, is not so easy."

"Then surely you wouldn't be cruel enough to make someone who used to love you personally help you find a boyfriend?"

Tsukasa smiled, her cheeks reflected in his eyes as he said, "There are fourteen million one hundred and seventy thousand people in Tokyo, with over seven million males. Even if the probability is only one in a million, that's still a full seven people."

"That data is inaccurate; it includes children and the elderly," Ayaka said, feeling deeply flustered.

"..." Tsukasa replied, "Well, there's bound to be at least one."

"Who knows," Ayaka stubbornly retorted.

"So, how do you plan to treat me?" After a brief pause, Tsukasa tossed out the question once more.

Hearing this, Ayaka realized in her heart that he wanted an answer, and by now, the answer he wanted was no longer an initial acceptance.

Or rather, it wasn't that he didn't want it.

It was that he had already accepted defeat in his heart.

She couldn't help but lock eyes with Tsukasa.

Calm.

Extremely calm, just like someone who had long since memorized the answers to an exam and merely looked over the test paper's contents.

A flurry of thoughts instantly surfaced in Ayaka's mind. As she met his gaze, the panic she had felt just moments ago suddenly vanished. Yet the sensation of an impending departure left her feeling as though a piece of her heart had been hollowed out—an emptiness that grew increasingly intense, so intense that it compelled her to ask on a whim: "Do you still love me?"

Yet Tsukasa's reaction left her disappointed.

Upon hearing her question, he stared at her, his expression turning oddly peculiar, as if some sudden change had occurred upon her face.

"Why are you hesitating?!" Ayaka demanded in a fit of embarrassment and anger.

"It's quite humiliating, you know. To keep confessing to someone even after being rejected over and over," Tsukasa recovered his composure.

"If it were true love, you wouldn't find it humiliating," Ayaka said ungraciously.

"And so?" Tsukasa countered.

"And so..." Ayaka choked on her words for a moment.

She didn't know how to respond.

It seemed that no matter what she said next, the outcome would be the same.

Only...

she did not want that outcome.

Reflected in her eyes was Tsukasa, a faint smile at the corner of his lips, looking as though he were already prepared to accept reality. Ayaka's mind drifted into a daze as a flurry of thoughts rushed through her. Then, an idea suddenly blossomed in her heart—a way to retain him without needing him to offer her a graceful exit.

Yet she hesitated once more.

The atmosphere remained deadlocked.

The SKY panoramic glass observation elevator ran from the 14th floor of the shopping mall to the 45th floor, taking over ten minutes in total.

Time ticked away second by second.

They were now very close to reaching their destination.

During this time, Ayaka kept her head slightly lowered, lost in thought, while Tsukasa stared at her face with a sense of lingering surprise, particularly as he watched the light-red translucent screen before him continuously refresh the 「Malice List」 every second.

Just as Tsukasa had held her gaze for a long time without speaking, and finally gave her one last deep look before turning around to step out of the elevator, he suddenly felt a gentle breeze brush against his back. Before he could even turn his head, his right hand, hanging by his side, was grasped by a soft, delicate hand.

Surprised, he turned his head sideways to catch sight of Ayaka's cheeks, which were flushed red like a sunset cloud.

Simultaneously, her voice drifted into his ear:

"I temporarily acknowledge your status as my 'reserve boyfriend,' and I allow you to go on a date with me once every... half a month. You're also allowed to hold my hand for ten minutes."

Ayaka's voice trembled slightly. Shedding her usual cold and aloof demeanor of clicking high heels and wearing frosty glares, she looked at that moment as nervous as a girl in her very first relationship, her palms quietly sweating.

She was, indeed, extremely nervous right now.

Although it wasn't the first time they had held hands, this was the first time she had taken the initiative to hold Tsukasa's hand. Feeling the familiar warmth in her palm, that sense of emptiness instantly vanished.

Yet her heart was beating so fast.

Her face felt so hot, too.

And there was a special kind of excitement bubbling up inside.

Unlike the excitement brought by shame and thrills, this feeling was akin to knowing something far more anticipated awaited tomorrow, hence the excitement.

How strange.

Yet it seemed...

she really had stepped into something she had never experienced before.

Ayaka couldn't help stealing a glance at him.

Catching the look of surprise in Tsukasa's eyes, she quickly pulled her gaze back, though her heart felt immensely gratified. She hadn't expected him to make such an expression, and the corners of her lips curled upward of their own accord.

This mood dispelled most of the unease she felt from taking the initiative to hold his hand, while also relaxing her posture significantly as she led him straight ahead.

It felt as though some heavy shackles had been cast off.

At the same time, a realization dawned upon her.

In this year when she was about to turn thirty, she finally seemed to have caught the tail end of youth with her own hands.